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Understanding Women ????

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman ???,????
If you don't, you are not a man ???,????
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying ???,????
If you don't, you are good for nothing ???,????
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing ???,?????
If you don't, you are not understanding ???,????
If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man' ???,????
If you don't you are half a man ???,????
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring ???,????
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing ???,????
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy ???,????
If you don't, you are a dull boy ???,????
If you are jealous, she says it's bad ???,????
If you don't , she thinks you do not love her ???,????
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her ???,????
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her ???,????
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait ???,????
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way ???,????
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel ???,????
If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls' ???,????
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold ???,????
If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage ???,????
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics ????,?????
If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics ????,?????
If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting ????,?????
If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring ????, ?????
If you talk, she wants you to listen ????,????
If you listen, she wants you to talk ????,?????
Oh God! you created those creature called "WOMAN' ???!???????? ??
So simple, yet so complex ????
So weak, yet so powerful ????
So confusing, yet so desirable ?????,?????
"O LORD, tell me what to do. AMEN" ???!????????

some more funny lines

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION T! ECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.